Being jokes

If Slade were a vegetable, he’d be a BRUSSELS SPROUT... small, bitter, and NOBODY wants him at the table.

If Slade were any more SENILE, he’d be pH 7.

If BLESSEDBRIAN were any more inbred, he’d be a SANDWICH.

If I found BlessedBrian's jokes FUNNY, I would be just as retarded as HIM.

"BlessedBrian must be a bank loan... because he has NO INTEREST."

Slade must be WiFi... because I’m not feeling a CONNECTION.

I’d say Leo is as sharp as a marble, but that would be an insult to marbles.

Wanna play dolls?

I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.

Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

If LEO were a spice, she’d be flour... BLAND and FORGETTABLE!

If BlessedBrian were any more two-faced, he’d be a Rubik’s Cube.

I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.

It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

I would call Slade dense, but that would be an insult to rocks.

If Leo were any slower, she’d be going BACKWARD.

If BlessedBrian were ANY LESS intelligent, he’d have to be WATERED twice a week.

If ignorance is bliss, BLESSEDBRIAN must be the happiest person alive.

The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.

The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.

What did the grape say to the rapper?

"You're so VINE, you must be on the JUICE!"