Being jokes
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":
"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."
A, B, C, E, F, G. You smell like a baby. Maybe you should not be "Hati-ey."
Yo hairline be lookin' like Elmo's toe fungus.
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
Lil’ Johnny be dead, you fools!
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog!
This is a classic.
Why did the Dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot Dog!
If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.
If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.