Being jokes
You could think that some orphans are gay.
But think, would they be home-osexual? 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
Imagine being autistic idiots.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?
There used to be two, now it’s a sensitive subject.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"
I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"
Because he would have beef with Homelander.
My Grandpa was supposed to be in 9/11, but airport security got him.
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!