Bears jokes
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.
I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.
Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.
Teddy bear, teddy bear, turn around.
Why I turn around?
Infopka.com
Speak in AAVE, Mr. Bear...
I'm like a teddy bear. I don't like to be fucked.
bro didnt even get the words right
Why didn't the teddy bear go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
Explain Bear teaches us that explaining the joke makes it a billion times funnier.
I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.
So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”
When it comes to bears, of course they always give bear hugs, well what do you call them when they aren't hugging right?
Just barely hugging you! Lol.
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."
Kid: Why aren’t koalas considered bears?
Nerd: Because they're marsupials.
Kid: No, because they didn’t have the koala-fication!
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.
And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"
And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."
The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"
What do you call a polar bear with mood swings?
A bipolar bear.
Lol
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!