Bears jokes

How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

They don’t meet all the koalifications!

Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."

Why is the koala not a bear?

It doesn't have the right koalafications.

What's Momma bear's favorite baseball team? The Cubs.

I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.

Why did the loo 🚽 roll roll down the stairs? To get to the bottom.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after you’ve raped her.

Warning: if you don't like gummy bears, DO NOT READ.

Q: What do you call a Mexican gummy bear?

A: Delici-Oso

"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.

"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"

Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.

What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?

The bear has common sense not to fire it.

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.

In the Robocide, Explain Bear is the first to go.

Explain Bear teaches us that explaining the joke makes it a billion times funnier.

What do you call a teddy bear that fooled you?

Stuffed.