Bears jokes

A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"

Man: Knock, knock...

Boy: Who's there?

Man: Bear...

Boy: Bear who?

Man: Bear bottom.

I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.

In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.

My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"

What do you call a toothless bear?

A gummy bear.

Why didn't the bear leave home?

He could not bear leaving his family.

A bear is like your best mate, Harry.

If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.

What is the name of the bear capital?

Koala Lumpur.

A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"

The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

Yo mama is so stupid, she thinks Bear Grylls is a restaurant.

Chuck Norris gets paid $2 million a month training Bear Grylls how to survive in the “harshest conditions on earth.”

A B C D E F G.

Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!

What kind of bear has no teeth?

A gummy bear.

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

We have Build-A-Bear; meanwhile, orphans have Build-A-Mom, or if they’d rather, Build-A-Dad.

Why didn't the teddy bear go to the gym?

Because he didn't want to get ripped.

What do you call a bear with no ear?

B.

I'm like a teddy bear. I don't like to be fucked.

The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"