Bank jokes
Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
joe mama roast
Why did the football player go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?
Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
Your hairline be lookin' like my negative bank account balance -1,000,000.
Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"
"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"
"Give away my Money, No Papa,"
"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."
What do you call a whale on a beach?
Banked.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer.
I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.