After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first doctor”.
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair”.
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news”. The doctor replies, “He’s dead”.
a Woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”.
She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
how many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
Two kids walked into a bar, they were covered with blood. the bartender asked what happened. The youngest said "Well, we we're trying to paint our basement but we threw the babies too hard".
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to get them out?
A blender.
I congratulated my friend and losing all that baby weight she started crying told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
what is the diffrence between a babie and a tramoline?
you take your shoes off to jump on one.
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
my old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking thru a field of dead babies was.... his cock
(Credit to Meme Machine)
What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"
What is blue and wiggling on my floor? A baby in a bag
The doctor says "your wife is PREGNENT" the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn't
Why did the baby cross the road????
Cause it was stapled to the chicken.
what do you call a baby in an oven? my next meal
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
what is scarier then a pile of dead babies? the bottom one ate it's way out
A baby seal walks into a club....
