Baby jokes

What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?

Sum Ting Wong.

A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.

So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"

The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"

The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."

What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...

How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?

When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.

Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."

What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.

She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.

The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.

The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"

Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"

What gets louder as it gets smaller?

A baby in a trash compactor.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.

I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.

What starts with M and ends with carriage?

This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

How did the black woman name her 4 babies?

Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.

How did she differentiate them?

She called them by their last names.

How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?

Two, one for her and one for the baby.

Things to kids:

Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."

A Good Parent: "My baby!"

Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)

What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.