My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
if it is some-ones birthday say this for a joke a long time ago in a far away galaxy
YOU WERE BORN!!!!
A guy goes to the store to buy thyme. When he got back to put the thyme away he relized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing it was just a big waste of your thyme.
how did sally die (how) she got shot (how) she could not run away
Whats fast and almost got away? A Mexican jumping the border.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
Me:what’s that girls name from phinease and ferb the sister Crush:candice Me:candice dick fit in your mouth Crush: slaps me Walks away
Roses are Red, Kevin Spacey is gay, If you'd stayed with your parents I wouldn't have taken you away
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot how many are there still on the fence
None the rest fly away
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good. Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
Friend: I got bit Other friend: By what? Friend : A dog Other friend :( Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies )
Why Can't a Orphan go on Away games?
There parent will never show up!
So I was sitting at a bar right, That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower? You got off clean
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house. I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games." Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
What do u get when u cross a stick and a dog a run away joke...
