At least jokes

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

Kids when they meet a kid out of home alone be like: “At least your mom came back!”

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?

At least outlaws are wanted.

What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

At least someone chose Pikachu.

Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.

What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?

They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.

I was invited into a celebrity's house, that's what I told the cops at least...

Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.

A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.

My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.

At least now I can have his phone he left.

I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.

What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.

Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"

The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"

Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"

Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."

The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"

Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."

Little Johnny said, "What truth?"

I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.