At least jokes

What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

Why do orphans play GTA?

Because at least they can be wanted!

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.

Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

What is the difference between a feminist and a knife?

A knife at least has a point.

White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."

I'd call BlessedBrian a tool, but at least a tool serves a purpose.

What did the kid say to the orphan?

"Well, at least I have parents!"

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?

At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

At least he always has a shoulder to cry on.

What’s the difference between a mistake and an orphan?

At least the mistake was loved.

What's the difference between me and an orphan?

At least my dad came back.

Dad: Alive.

Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).

Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.

Mother: Alive...

Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.

What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?

They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.

What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?

At least one has a point.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations