Around jokes

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

I did have a good night, and I did a good night, and I had to walk around the house.

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.

What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.

What flies around the school at night?

Alpha-bats!

Today, a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid, so I told him, "Brayden, just get up and walk away."

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

Why have there been so many deaths around the world?

Trees and ropes.

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"

An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"

The Scouser says, "Liverpool."

The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"

The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"

Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.

What are Emo kids good at... hanging around?

He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.

What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.

A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."

Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.

A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.

A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.

BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.

NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)

There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.

Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.

After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.