Arms

Arms jokes

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Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

If you play the movie "Jaws" in reverse, it's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!

Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not Susie.

Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!

Fruit, vegetables, my arms.

When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."

Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?

Because everything they do is in vein.

Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".

Why was Huggy Wuggy not able to hug Cody’s mom?

Because she was so fat he couldn’t fit his arms around her.

My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."

So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.

Friend: “What's that on your arm?”

Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."

What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?

When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!