Ares jokes
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Are you choked?
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: 9/11 victims. They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
Leprechauns are stupid. No joke.
Are you a toaster?
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
We are anonymous because none of us are as cruel as all of us.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a joke, so are you.
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"
Q: What are cheetahs?
A: The worst card players!
If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
The north and south towers got into an argument.
The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
Roses are red, violets are blue. I was born pretty, what happened to you?
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.