Ares jokes
Why are orphans sad?
Don't ask, or their parents may... oh wait, carry on.
Most of these jokes are plane, but they still hit.
Borders are fat.
So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.
The next day I saw a dead orphan.
A guy sees a kid crying, and the guy walks up to the kid and asks, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
The teacher asked a young boy in primary school, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
To which the boy replies, "No."
The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.
At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
"Shut up," she replied.
The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks, "Can you teach me the alphabet?"
But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.
But his brother is singing, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.
But his sister is singing, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.
The boy replies, "Shut up."
"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."
The boy replies, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
In the office, the principal says, "Who do you think you are?"
The boy replies, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The principal now says, "How do you think you'll get away with this?"
The boy then replies, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
What do KFC and pussy have in common?
Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?
Roses are red, Violets are blue, We're breaking up because I never loved you.
Age is just a number.
Police are just people.
Jail is just a room.
If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I have schizophrenia,
And so do I.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
Punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.
If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.