Ares jokes
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.
Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
Roses are dead, violets smell like poo, I got a big fucking shotgun, what you gonna do?
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan because what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why are Japanese always so skinny?
Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers.
Why are you so white?
Because you have no lotion on.
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.