Ares jokes
Why are Muslims terrible at football?
Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would only have one dollar because women are objects and men are superior.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
What's the difference between cake and pie?
πr2, cakes are round.
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost two towers.
We all know the joke: Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But do you know why 9 is scared of 7?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day (3 squared).
So many of these jokes are unoriginal, and you guys need to step up your game.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how big they are and how hard you throw them.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.