Ares jokes
Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.
People are pushing for a new black Lady Liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again.
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.
The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Why are mountains so funny? Because they are so high!
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?
Because they are high.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"
What is the best thing about 28 year olds? There are 20 of them!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They can never make it home.
Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
GET IN THE VAN!!
Condoms are for pussies.
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"
Two skeleton brothers are talking.
1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"
2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"
You people are sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!! None of these are funny. Sick sick sick!!!!!!!
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
Paedophiles are f***ing immature assholes.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?