Ares jokes

Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

They are making a movie about clocks.

It’s about time.

What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.

How are mountains able to see?

They peak!

Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"

Doctor: "To the morgue."

Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."

Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."

So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?

Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"

Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Question: Why can't you trust a tree?

Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?

Alle kinder hedder Rune, undtagen Kurt, han hedder Rune.

All the kids are named Rune, except Kurt, he is named Rune.

All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their greatest hits are "the wall."

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

Are you an egg, because you crack me up?

Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?

So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.

Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.

Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?

Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.

Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.

Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.