Ares jokes
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?" I answered, "6 feet underground."
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
Why are mountains very cold?
Because they are very cold.
I remember my grandma's last words:
"What are you doing with that axe?"
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Open your legs and give me an hour.
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
Levi and Andrew are fat.
Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"
The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"
The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"
The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims of course, they went through 89 stories in only 5 minutes!
Joke 1) 9/11 was such a tragedy... Two drunk people drove a plane into a building.
Joke 2) If 6-2=4, why are there no more towers?
Joke 3) Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.
Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.
I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.
He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.
I asked, "Where are you going?"
He said, "Camp Bin Laden."
I asked, "What do they do there?"
He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."
I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"
He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
Who are you?
Yourself.