Ares jokes
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.
So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"
The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"
The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."
Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
Where are you not allowed to go trick or treating as a ghost?
Harlem, New York.
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
Roses are red, the sky is blue, what do you do? Oh, never mind, I'm not homo like you.
Why can't Jordan moan?
Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
Are you a nation leader or an email deleter?
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
Why are mountains so cold?? Your mom lol.
Why are women like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims, they went through 700 stories in 10 seconds.
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims, they went through 72 stories in less than 10 seconds.
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."