Ares jokes
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
Why are dead baby jokes always funny?
They never get old.
Do you know why dead baby jokes are always funny?
They never get old.
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.
Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
A little riddle...
Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?
...
Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
Why are you guys making fun of priests?
Because you have a suga daddy already.
I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
roses are red, unlike the rest, I'm the one who has your IP address.
Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.
A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."
You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.
Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.
I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”