Ares jokes
My poem, roses are red, violets are blue. I will die very soon. 🔪
I need to fuck an emo girl... those bitches are limited edition!
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
These jokes are darker than the list of victims dead from cops.
Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!
Why are orphans so lucky?
Every crisp packet is family sized.
You are so hairy, you starred in Donkey Kong before!
You are so hairy, Bigfoot took your picture!
You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.
You are so ugly, when you went to a haunted house, you came back with a job application.
You are so fat you were able to occupy Wall Street all by yourself.
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?
Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"
Depression: "Lie in bed."
Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."
The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."
How do you know an abo robbed your house?
The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.
If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?
What are the similarities between orphans and unripe strawberries?
None of them get picked.
Where are the best shooting ranges in America?
Used to be in schools, but now in subways.