Ares jokes
Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.
He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"
The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."
The person says: "What's a dilo?"
Why can’t monkeys play in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
Presidents are normal, physically.
Biden: Trips over a f***ing stair.
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
What is the difference between orphans and serial killers?
Serial killers are wanted.
Did you know about 9 months after a power outage 50% more babies are born because it is dark?
Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said, "but the world is round."
I said, babe, you are my world.
How are Fortnite cards and orphans similar? They're given away.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Who."
"Who who?"
"Why are you who-ing like an owl?"
What did the pickle say to his friend Rick?
"We are Pickle Ricks!"
Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.
A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.
IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!
Rape is no laughing matter. The reason why women are not believed in rape is because of you mother fucking shitbirds with no future who will become drunkards and drug dealers who go broke and live on the street getting hit by a fucking car. Fuck all of you sadists who think this kind of shit is funny, well shut the fuck up. Go jump off a bridge or get hit by car and I hope you fucking sickos die.
Stop rape. Stop rappe. Stop rapibg innocent children and women and men. I am done with rape. I am done with it!
Why are midgets constantly thirsty?
They can't reach the drinking fountains.
A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?
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