Ares jokes
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.
Q: Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
A: Because they lost two of their towers.
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
Orphans are the best people to bully. They have no parents.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?
I specialize in jokes about orphans. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
I'm shidding. Still babies are still coming and going.
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."
Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"
The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."
My favorite animal is a cheetah, so I hope the jokes are good.
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they gonna tell their parents?
Why are Orphans so bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
The Twin Towers are like Angry Birds in real life.