Ares jokes
Why are orphans good at being a criminal?
Because they're not wanted.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
I once saw a kid walking down the street crying. So I asked them, "Hey kid, where are your parents?" And he started to cry even more...
"Huh. I wonder why he was so sad..." I said as I walked into the orphanage.
The only letters in the alphabet that you know are "KFC."
Why are Americans so bad at Clash? They already lost two towers.
Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.
Why are chickens so funny? Because...
The Kardashians are just hyper realistic Barbies.
Hey girl, are you a scientist?
Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born pretty, what happened to you?
Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?
If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”
"The truest things ARE the funniest things."
-Lollipop from JacknJellify, the BFDI series.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a bouquet in my pants for you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But why is 10 scared? Because he is in the middle of 9/11.