Appearance jokes

Your hairline goes so far back even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.

I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.

Your hairline goes so far back your dad didn't leave.

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

Shortly after the hole was finished, everyone in the forest was looking for long grass to fill the hole. The upper layer covered it with short grass and scattered some grass around the hole so it didn't seem as conspicuous. The next evening, the villagers hid in their houses and turned off the lights and waited inside, while one of the farmers stood outside and, if possible, unobtrusively skimped on a cart.

Around midnight, the Headless Rider appeared with his horse in the village. He saw the seemingly single peasant scooping his hay and rode towards him. He was about to swing his axe, and while he was doing so, he overlooked the slightly more scattered grass near the farmer – and thus fell into the trap. He clumsily slumped into the prefabricated hole together with his horse and now lay there helplessly inside, together with his horse, which swayed in panic as the rider's axe was stuck in its back.

When the villagers heard this, they all stormed out of the houses to surround the hole. They saw the Headless Rider, and when he noticed all the villagers around him, he cursed: “Gaaah! You stupid villagers caught me! I can't do much down here. I give up.” The villagers took his axe away from him. Now they only needed a just punishment for the rider.

One of the villagers shouted: “We should tie him to a rope and hang him! He tried to kill us all and plagued us for a long time. So we should kill him and let him suffer for a long time!” The other villagers agreed with him. So they tied a thick rope to a branch of a large tree that stood in the village garden. The villagers took the Headless Rider out of the hole and dragged him to the rope. As they were about to hang the rope around his neck, they noticed that something didn't fit in their plan to hang the Headless Rider. Then the Headless Rider cried out: “You stupid mortals, I have no head at all! Why are you trying to hang me?”

You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.

Your hairline is so big, it's bigger than the universe!

Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?

You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."

Yo mama so ugly that when she went to an ugly contest, they said she wasn’t allowed because no professionals were allowed.

You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

Yo, your hairline over here lookin' like the Nile River.

Yo mama so fat, that’s why people don’t want to marry her, except for fat guys.

Yo mama so ugly that she gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.

My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

Your hairline is so bent that Bob the Builder couldn't fix it.

Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.

Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....

Boss: Can I do a reference check?

Me: I don’t have a...

*sensei appears*

Me: oh no

Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.

Boss: What's kiz...

Sensei:😈

Me: Oh no, here we go.

Sensei: Kizma AS-