Appearance jokes

Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her at Halloween.

I'm bald.

The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.

This year the London marathon was run on your hairline. It was so far back no one could complete it!

You're so ugly when a pig saw you, he said, "Yes, my brother is back."

When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:

Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?

The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:

"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."

The commander starts answering:

"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"

"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"

"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"

After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:

"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

If one of ya'll could find my weave, that'd be great!

Your hairline is so far back your dad had to go find it for you.

People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.

"Hey, how do I look?"

"With your eyes, Joe."

TJ's hairline is so far back his friends don't even want to talk to his ugly ass!

My pits are hairy, but my I can carry.

You're so ugly you make Happy Meals cry.

Your hairline is so far back Sherlock couldn't solve that mystery.

Cardi B has very long nails.

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

Your hairline lookin' like it got slapped up by Will Smith.

Your hairline is so ugly, your hair runs away from it.