Appearance jokes
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
Your forehead is so big it drips pickle juice!
Your hairline is so far back, it left before your dad.
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
A Snorlax was in a bar, and he was drinking beer when an Eevee and a Rockruff hopped onto a stool. The Eevee ordered an oran berry special for the both of them.
Snorlax: Y'all make the perfect couple.
Random Zorua: Dragonite, is it just an illusion, or is that Snorlax fatter than this region?
Your hairline couldn't be seen even if it was glowing.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
Yo mama is so ugly that not even the Socs wanted to jump her.
Yo, hairline looking like a flight trajectory path.
Yo hairline so ugly, when you go to school you fall on a line.
Your forehead is so big you could land a plane on it.
Yo mama is so ugly, the sunglasses walked away.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
You are so hairy, Bigfoot took your picture!
The man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player. The piano player starts playing the piano. The guy next to him asks where he got that. The man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes.
So the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside. He says to the genie, "I want a million bucks." The genie snaps his fingers, and a million ducks appear in the road. The man comes back inside and says, "Hey, that genie is a little hard of hearing." The man says, "Well, did you really think I'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?"
Bro, you look like you got your hair from the Roblox avatar shop.
Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.
She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half Black.