Appearance jokes

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

Your hairline is so bad people thought you were Vegeta!

Your skin's so bright you could be used as a highlighter.

A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”

So Jessie Waters goes on TV without a gallon of hair gel. Oh wait, never mind!

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got "fine" written all over you.

You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

Yo forehead so angled, your mom could walk up.

As you can see here, Jessie is wearing a lot of concealer.

Jessie?

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

Daikon legs.

One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.

My name is Devonair.

When I get a haircut, it's always bald.

Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."

My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*

I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.

Yo mama so ugly that when she looked at the sun, it exploded.

Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.

Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.

You're so fat you're the reason they made tread "meals".

You're so ugly we can't have neighbors.

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”