ANS jokes
Now you should let your imagination work... imagine naked Jesus with an erection... and nail holes in his hands...
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
The toilet having an argument with the toilet paper, the owner of the house had diarrhea, who's day was more shittier!?
Why can't you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
How could the German people fall for Hitler and the Nazis?
There were an awful lot of red flags!
Yo mama was so fat that she jumped so hard, and the earth started shaking like an earthquake.
The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.
What would an orphan ask for Christmas?
"A someone."
What is an egg?
What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.
What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.
The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!
The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”
What do you call a girl with no legs? Sarah.
What do you call an Olympic gold medalist skiing? Not Sarah.
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.
What do you call an Arab flying a plane?
A pilot.
You racist fuck!
If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?
At least a Christian kneels in church.