ANS jokes
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!
Which falls faster, an apple or an emo kid?
The apple, because the emo kid is hanging.
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.
What's an emo's favorite part about being dunked?
The hangover.
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
In case of ill rhymes!
I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"
The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."
Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.
How do you call an iPhone cover in Germany?
An apple bag. 😜
Why does an orphanage have milk?
Because Dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call an autistic army special forces?
Why did I buy the orphan an iPhone 12? Because he couldn't get home.
What is the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?
Oh... one comes back.
Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?
A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓
If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?
Years of child support!
Yo mama's so ugly, she could make an onion cry.
What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.