ANS jokes
What do you use to strap an eagle's nest together?
An eagle-lastic band!
What's an Emo's favorite drink?
Water, JK it's cyanide.
Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
An Irishman walks into a pub.
What would the Mandalorian be called if it was made in an aquatic center?
Mandachlorian.
If I looked like Stephen Hawking, I would also be an atheist.
I went to an orphanage and had a yo mama smack down. That's it.
What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.
I gave an orphan an iPhone X for a reason.
It doesn’t have a home button.
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
What time do you have when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
What does the egg do after the pan told him a joke?
He cracked up!
What is an egg?
What is a dog?
An animal.
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
Disabled people can help the world to get a printed copy of "Leaning Tower of Pisa," exactly leaned at an angle.