ANS jokes
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you canโt take tablets on an empty stomach.
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, youโre gonna hate it as an adult.
Whatโs black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
Whatโs that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?
Removing a bomb.
What do you call an apartment full of Black people?
A crackhouse.
What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.