How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
What’s white and sticky? A white man's penis after taking care of his neighbor's dog.
Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals."
Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it."
Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.
Shaenaya likes goat dick.
Goats are like mushrooms.
If you shoot a cat, I'm scared of toasters.
I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3
What happens when a cow jumps over a wire fence?
Udder destruction.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
What do you call a dabbing cow?
Udder savagery.
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."
The other said, "Really? I like my bed."
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
