And jokes

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.

Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."

What do orphans, parents, and Nemo have in common?

Neither can be found.

What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Only one is wanted.

How do you call a mirror and an orphan?

Family reunion.

I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

Anyone on this app is homeless and has no point in life. Well, I'm on this app 24/7, so do I have no point in life 24/7, or am I just weird and unwanted?

I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.

"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

Your mom and dad are never coming back because dad is cumming for another kid.

Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Interviewee: I fall in love easily.

Interviewer: And your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...

I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut, g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g”.

White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?

I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.