And jokes

Fortnite is gay and rëtarded.

If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:

1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?

2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?

3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?

4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?

5. Was this funny?

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!

What do CG artists and porn stars have in common?

They both composite (cum pose it) at the end.

What's the difference between a puppy and an orphan?

Puppies get adopted.

An orphan boy at my school did really badly on a test and started crying. I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

Yo momma so fat, I took a photo of her last year and it's still printing.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?

Once they turn 18, they never come back.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

What's the difference between sex and gender?

You can't have gender with your sister.