And jokes

What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?

They're always cutting.

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

What is the similarity between math and buildings?

Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.

If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)

It's all fun and games until they start dancing.

What happened to people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki? They swapped races.

What is the difference between genders and the Twin Towers?

They used to be two, now it's a touchy subject.

How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.

Three boys are in the 4th grade; one is black, one is white, and the other is Hispanic. Who has the biggest penis?

The black one... he's 13!

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?

An escapee from a mental hospital.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

Why did the plane go to KFC?

To lose its wings and crash!

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.

Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:

"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"

Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"

Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."

Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."

What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?

Vin Diesel has family.

What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?

One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.