And jokes

What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?

They're both filled with happy little accidents.

Bro, you can't talk; you look like the dwarf from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have a Mother’s and Father’s Day.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.

Person: You're so ugly.

Me: You ugly.

Person: I'm not a mirror.

Me: And I'm not your reflection.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.

How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.

What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?

Shredded tweet!

The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.

What do you call a person with no nose and no body?

Nobody knows.

What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.

He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.

My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.

What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus?

The picture only takes one nail to hang.

What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?

A sourpuss.

When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"