And jokes

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.

If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,

that's a big red flag!

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

Michael Jackson was the King of Pop until he got burned by Pepsi. Now, Pepsi is the hero, and now, we know the rest of the story.

Chloe Lutwyche, Bella Battese, and Hayley Wilson.

What did the horse say after it tripped?

Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

COVID is like fashion...

We started hearing about it in Italy...

Became popular in LA and NYC...

Florida ignored it...

And it was all made in China in the end.

What's brown and sticky? A stick!

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

Yesterday I went to a lightbulb party, and it was lit.

"If all of these structures break we will all die."

And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"

And he said, "It would be breaking news."

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.

What do babies and explosives have in common?

They both make a noise when you throw them.

What does a hooker and butter have in common?

They both spread for bread.

Yo, so poor that you wash your paper plates and cutlery in a kids' dishwasher.