And jokes

Wanna hear two short jokes and one long one?

joke, joke, jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke.

A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"

The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."

I went up the temp girl and slapped her tests and said-

"I like ya cut, G."

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.

The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.

When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.

Hello Watersharky, I am Koge.

I see your songs and want to be your agent. Please write back about this offer. Thank you.

I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

Penaldo song 🎵🎵🎵

He has conquered all the Farmers. He is never going to stop. From Lithuania down to Andorra, He has scored a fucking lot. Penalties and Tapins, The Fields of Faroe Islands, He is our GOAT, And his name is Cristiano Columbus. Allez, Allez, Allez Allez, Allez, Allez

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

"Freshfry, please leave me and prince alone! I never asked you to join our chat!"

I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.

And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.

He shouts “you stupid cunt!”

The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”

Dodi replies...:

“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”

What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?

Your dad.

Man, I had a joke, but it left and never came back.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌