And jokes

What’s white and sticky and better to spit out than to swallow? Toothpaste.

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.

What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?

They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.

I was walking past an orphan and I said, "Just go home."

Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?

Ben: I don't know.

Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field? The baseball field has a home to run back to.

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

What's the difference between an orphan and Spider-Man?

There's no way home.

What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.

What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?

One was born burnt.

I was at a train station and a woman ran up to me and asked, "Is this train running on time?" I said, "No, it runs on steam and coal."

A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.

Same person.

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.

What's black and long? A line at KFC.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

READ THIS OUT LOUD:

This is this cat.

This is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is a busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat.

this is seconds cat.

NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?

- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...

What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?

A toothbrush.