And jokes

Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek?

No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.

Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.

Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?

Because their dad never came back with milk.

What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?

There is none, they both go up in flames.

When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Friend: Wanna hear a joke?

Other Friend: Sure.

Friend: Pussy.

Other Friend: I don't get it.

Friend: And you never will.

There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.

Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"

Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.

Patient: What's the bad news?

Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.

Patient: What's the really bad news?

Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.

What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!

What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini.

What do Michael Jackson and Pinocchio have in common?

They both lie over little boys 😂

How do you blindfold an Asian? String!

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

What do priests and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.

What do a priest and a McDonalds have in common?

They both slide their meat in 10 year old buns.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.