And jokes

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?

An emo went to high five a tree, and it left them hanging.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

Neither of 'em can see their parents.

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.

Obv, unless you share your residence.

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

It’s true women do make less money than men.

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.

Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?

Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.

What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

Baby: Wait for me!

(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

(He squishes the child.)

Father: Ketchup!

Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

What is the similarity between orphans and apples?

They both get thrown out.

What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.

My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"