And jokes

What’s the difference between an orphan and cotton? One gets picked.

What's the difference between a dad and the Twin Towers? The Twin Towers went black and never came back, and the dad was black and just didn't come back.

My name is Ethan, and I don't find this funny.

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.

It was just a prank, and stop calling our humor "plane." In our opinion, it's fire.

What is the difference between a condom and an orphan?

One of them is used.

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.

You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

What starts with "E" and ends with "G"?

Everything.

Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

"The canons be ready, Captain!"

"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?