And jokes

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

What do sex and food have in common?

Grandma makes both better.

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

Yo mama is so fat, when she nocliped into the backrooms, she was in level 0 and level 999 at the same time.

How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?

Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.

What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?

Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.

Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?

Hiroshima, Japan 1946.

A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.

Who wins?

Society.

What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?

They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?

They all shoot people for a living.

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?

"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."