And jokes
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
Because then they would be called bagels! πππππππππππππ
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
Why did a minister who is a Christian nationalist and a bisexual man give anonymous blowjobs to physically handicapped gay men under the handicapped stalls inside the men's restrooms at a rest area?
He wanted to eat footlong hotdogs for lunch at the rest area, but he wanted a sample first (taster).
Memes
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. Iβm just trying to look at/make jokes, and Iβm getting shit from people saying, "Itβs too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for βBβ shells, and too small for βDβ shells.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
What do boobs and toys have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?
Catholics are registered sex offenders.
Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."
I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."