And jokes

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.

What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?

Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.

I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.

What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?

Mixed nuts.

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."

A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”

Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."

School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

5

4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.

What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, so Jack could lick her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.

What's red and blue and runs up your leg?

A homesick miscarriage.

Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."

What is long, brown, and cures depression?

A noose.

The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"

"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."

"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"

"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."

"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"

"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."

"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"

Black holes and horny black women have 1 thing in common, they suck everything in sight.