And jokes

What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?

Some people don’t pick it.

What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?

They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

My dad went out for milk. It's been 15 years and I still have to eat my cereal dry.

What game do zombies like to play?

Corpse and Robbers.

What do Joe Biden and Russia have in common?

Neither of them respect boundaries.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.

Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

Do you know why 6 is afraid of 7? Why? Because 7 ate 9 (8).

Do you know why 10 is scared? Why? Because he is between 9 and 11.

I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.

What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?

O I C U R M T

When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.

What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

140 calories.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.