And jokes

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).

I don't like 9/11 jokes, they tend to crash and burn.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples are actually picked.

So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz

What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.

Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?

Because they always like to come in a little behind.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!

What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?

One makes your day and one makes your whole week.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"

"Who was in the race?"

"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.

School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.