And jokes

What are the two hottest cities in the world? Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.

What do emos and the Lorax have in common?

They both hang with trees.

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.

cock, cock, and cum

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.

I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.

What is black and at the top of a staircase?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!

Do you know why 6 is afraid of 7? Why? Because 7 ate 9 (8).

Do you know why 10 is scared? Why? Because he is between 9 and 11.

I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”