And jokes

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!

What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?

One makes your day and one makes your whole week.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?

Because it's a battlefield.

Why don’t you act like your hairline and kindly take several steps back?

Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.

Dad: Would you like to talk about it?

Son: Sure.

Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.

Son: I can't, my butt hurts.

what's the difference between an emo and an apple? the apple falls to the ground while the emo just hangs there.

It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.

What's the same with shoes and slaves?

When they get loose, you tie them up.

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.

What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.