And jokes
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
Do you know why 6 is afraid of 7? Why? Because 7 ate 9 (8).
Do you know why 10 is scared? Why? Because he is between 9 and 11.
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
Memes
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.
What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.
cock, cock, and cum
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.
I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.
I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.
What is black and at the top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire.