And jokes
What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."
what's the difference between an emo and an apple? the apple falls to the ground while the emo just hangs there.
Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Memes
Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
E.T. eventually went home!
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.
What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?
They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess thatโs what you get when youโre bad at hide and seek.
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.